Bloom Gets Hit By A Bus
by IridescentFireflies
Summary: Exactly what the name suggests. Involves the author, alcohol, a school bus, Bloom, and some props stolen from the set of PGSM.Chapter 2, Sky gets hit by a Humvee, now up!
1. Bloom Gets Hit By A Bus

**Bloom Gets Hit By A Bus**

**An original fic by Layla2005**

Rated B, for frequent Bloom scenes.

The Layla2005 Network would like to advise that people who either have been, or are going to be, hit by a bus should not read this.

Disclaimer: I own Winx Club, and I own Bloom. So the next episode of Winx Club will be based on this story.

**Chapter One:**

One night (actually New Years Eve), Bloom was walking around in Magix, for no apparent reason. Dressed as Sailor Moon.

Don't look at me, I ain't her personal shopper. I'm just writing this crap.

So there she is, skipping along, singing (in Japanese) about Sky in a pink kimono, when suddenly, the author comes along. In a bus.

The author, of course, was blind drunk, since it was New Year's Eve, and she had over indulged, despite being underage and mildly insane.

Anyway, returning to the story, the author was wasted on vodka, had a school bus, and a hatred for Bloom.

The author drove along the road, in a zig-zag pattern, because, hey, she was wasted.

Bloom, being the frustrating dumbass bimbo that she is, continued to skip down the street, saying the words, "Pink kimono, Sky, pink kimono!" in a voice that suggested she'd had one to many glasses of wine.

So there she was, Sailor Bloom, skipping along, too dumb to notice the big, bright yellow bus behind her.

The author then took great delight in leaning her head out the bus window and calling Bloom some fairly explicit names.

Bloom, of course, thought she was being complimented.

The author, who was frustrated at the lack on a reaction, stopped the bus, got out and threw her empty vodka bottle at Bloom.

Bloom finally realised that the author was trying to kill her, and got very angry.

She pulled out a toy crescent moon wand that looked suspiciously like the one used on the set of PGSM and threw it at the author, yelling something that sounded like, "Moon Flash!"

This ticked the author, who is a fan of PGSM, so she got back into the bus, started the engine, and ran Bloom over.

The author then got out of the bus, grabbed the stolen toy crescent moon wand, and hightailed it out of there, presumably to go find Sky and run him over.

Bloom, unfortunately, survived. This angered all the residents of Magix, who felt that Bloom was misrepresenting them, so they pushed her off the top of Cloudtower.

She survived that too.

The author spent the rest of the night looking for Sky.

Flora, Stella, Musa, Layla and Tecna had a party in Bloom's room, and ended up starting a fire. Nothing of Flora's was burnt, but Bloom's half was destroyed. Lockette the pixie rescued Kiko the bunny, and the two of them snuck off to one of Alfea's empty classrooms. Mentioning what they did would ruin the story, as it would disgust many readers.

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PGSM - Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon, or the live-action version of Sailor Moon.

* * *

No buses were harmed in the making of this fic. 


	2. Sky Gets Hit By A Humvee

A/N: Tonight (March 8th) I had to start (and finish) 2 assignments and learn a bunch of stupid Italian verbs. I did none of these things. Instead I:

Read fanfic

Wrote fanfic

Stared at the wall

Talked to the wall

Thought up excuses to use on De Sarro (Italian Teacher)

Tested the aforementioned excuses on the wall.

Wrote this chapter

So, uh, yeah. Review. And then pray for me, because I sure as hell aren't coming back from wherever De Sarro will send me tomorrow. She's the daughter of the devil. And really, really short. And excuse the rambling. Just skip this and scroll down. You'll find the story eventually. And please review when you're done. Give me some comfort! Help me get through the lonely days I'll spend in some log cabin in the middle of nowhere! (Being the devil's daughter, De Sarro is rich, and can afford to imprison me in a log cabin.) As I said earlier, feel free to skip all this, since it probably makes no sense whatsoever.

Review!!!!! Help stop De Sarro's evil!!! I'm only learning Italian so I can understand the original version of Winx!! Ignio Straffi owes me!!!!!!!

Also, please note: I'm Australian, and I don't think we have Humvees, so I may screw some things up. Bear with me. I'm also 3 years under the legal driving age. I've also been hit with a newfound insanity, which causes me to ramble on about pointless crap. And write fics like this one. I may have to change my PenName if this keep ups. (Although I have no idea what to change it to. Review and suggests some names!!! For the love of god, review!! Even if it's just to tell me about your cat Smokey!!!!!

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**Sky Gets Hit By A Humvee**

**Recommended For Sky Haters/ People who enjoyed reading about Bloom getting hit by a bus.**

It was March 1. Two months to the day since Bloom had been hit by a bus. (And she was STILL alive, despite having been hit by a bus, pushed off Cloudtower, held underwater for an hour and been poisoned twice. Plans had also been made to burn her at the stake.)

And now the author was bored. And extremely drunk again. So she did what any, young, drunk, pissed off, Sky-hating person would do: she stole a Humvee.

Now, during the night in question, Sky did the following things:

6.00 PM: Calls Bloom

6:02 PM: Hangs up on Bloom when latest girlfriend turns up in a bikini.

6:05 PM: Does some incredibly disgusting things to said girlfriend, which would make any decent human being sick.

6:20 PM: Checks mail. Finds 10 death threats from author.

6:22 PM: Adds latest death threats to pile, along with the 15 received the previous day.

6:25 PM: Counts death threats in Death Threat pile, begins to cry when he realises that there are at least a hundred. (He can't count over this number.)

6:30 PM: Leaves dorm room, after locking latest girlfriend/ sex object in bathroom. Instructs her to remove bikini by the time he gets back.

7.00 PM: Is attacked by author in a street in Magix.

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**6:45 PM, Magix:**

Sky was in the local pub, drinking himself stupid. The author had already done just that, only with vodka, instead of beer made out of cow shit.

It took Sky fifteen minutes to drink the bar dry. Anyone who saw him would swear he was a recovering alcoholic.

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The author, meanwhile, was at the local Humvee car dealership, being served by someone dressed as Sailor Moon. (Unfortunately, a few idiots in Magix had copied Bloom's NYE fashion 'statement'.)

"I don't want to buy your freakin shit car, I just wanna borrow it" the author said, trying to sound sober.

The salesperson pulled out a toy crescent moon wand similar to the one Bloom had stolen from the PGSM set. This pissed the author off, because 2 months had done nothing to diminish her love of PGSM.

"F--- you, pal, and you f---ing shit buses!"

She ran over to the nearest Humvee, and jumped in, then swore when she realised she didn't have the keys.

She leant out the window.

"A little help here?"

The saleswoman, who wasn't exactly the brightest sick in the mud, tossed her the keys.

The author drove off, laughing maniacally.

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6:50 PM, Magix

Sky was still in the pub when he heard a car screeching, and what sounded like a mailbox being knocked over, followed by swearing.

Seconds later, the author burst into the bar waving a knife and shouting.

'Where's Sky? Hand him over, ya useless pissheads!"

The rest of the bars clientele ignored her and continued drinking, gambling and singing explicit songs to each other.

The author scanned the room until she found her quarry. She threw her empty vodka bottle at him, stumbled and tripped over her own feet. Sky took advantage of the situation and ran out of the like the scared little wimp that he was.

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6:53 PM, Magix

The author picked herself up and ran out after Sky, laughing insanely.

She found Sky almost instantly. He was huddled behind the mailbox she'd knocked over earlier.

The author smiled and began to creep up slowly behind him…….

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Sky was scared shitless. The author was clearly a maniac, although he didn't know the meaning of "maniac". He just thought "crazy scary lady with pointy thing".

He hummed Hi-5 songs to himself to pass the time, wishing he'd brought his latest girlfriend with him.

Sky was so absorbed with his humming that he didn't hear the author sneaking up behind him….

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"Skyie!!!!" the author screamed, loud enough for Sky's Grandma Mabel, who lived on the edge of some forest in Eraklion and had tried to drown him when he was 12, to hear.

She pulled out the knife and waved it in front of his eyes.

"Didya get my letters?" the author asked, jumping up and down hyperactively.

Sky could barely understand her. She was really drunk and slurring her words, but past experiences with this person had taught him to just nod and say yes, and pray that she passed out soon.

He nodded, trying to cry.

"Good!" the author said brightly, smiling at him. "Did you read them?"

Sky shook his head, then nodded, then shook his head again.

"Can't read?" the author slurred, pretending to be concerned.

Sky nodded.

The author clapped her hands together like an excited child.

"Yay! Another reason to kill you!"

She ran the Humvee, yanked the door open, and started the engine.

She drove towards the mailbox that was Sky's temporary sanctuary.

Sky screamed, rather girlishly, and ran for it.

The author stuck her window.

"Run, Sky, run!!!" she cackled.

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Sky, being a lazyass, couldn't run very fast, so it took the author all of two seconds to catch up to him. And of course, she had the noticeable advantage of having a car.

She was about to run him over when suddenly Bloom appeared. In a Sailor Moon outfit.

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"Hey! I know you!" Bloom shouted, staring at the author.

"Yeash." The author slurred. "I ran you over with a bus."

"No" Bloom said, frowning. "You're Sky's girlfriend! He's cheating on me with you!"

She started crying as the author and Sky looked at her in disbelief.

"Are you taking the piss?" The author asked, sounding sober for the first time that night.

She pulled out her knife and waved it at Bloom, who threw a cell phone (also stolen from PGSM) at the author, then ran off.

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The author turned back to Sky.

"Ready to die?" she slurred, completely drunk again.

"Please don't hurt me!" Sky said, starting to cry. "I dress up as character from PSM show you like so much."

"It's PGSM!" the author screamed, throwing her knife at Sky, and missing him by about ten centimetres.

"No, no, PSM" Sky said, pulling out a Sailor Jupiter outfit and bracelet, both also stolen from the PGSM set.

This ticked the author off, since not only had he stolen PGSM props, he'd also stolen the costume of her favourite PGSM character.

"You die pal. Now." She ran back to the Humvee, started the engine, and drove towards Sky, who began to scream in a high-pitched, girlish voice.

The author was laughing like an insane maniac as she ran Sky over repeatedly.

She stopped, collected the stolen PGSM props, then drove off into the night, still laughing.

Sky, unfortunately, survived. As murderers go, the author didn't have a very good track record.

But there would be anot5her night, when the author got drunk again, and hunted down the characters she hated most.

Sky and Bloom would die, even if wasn't for another two months.

So yeah. I wrote this last night and then posted it today, when I got home from school. And, by some f---ing amazing stroke of luck, De Sarro was sick today!! (takes deep breath) Excuse me.

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

God bless the person who infected De Sarro with whatever the hell she's got!!!!!!!!!!!

…………….

Ahem. Thanks for reading. Please ignore the insane author's notes. Thank you.

And I'm not really as insane as I make myself sound in the story. (blinks) No, really!!

Ok, maybe I am, but I don't go around stealing Humvees! I swear to God!!!! (blinks) ………………………….

Brought to you by insanity, alcohol, and the Layla2005 network.

Tune in next time for "Bloom Gets Burnt At The Stake!"

I should probably also thank Chibi Horsewoman for suggesting that Sky get hit by a Humvee.

So, thank you .

Parts of this fic were inspired after I stole a Vodka Cruiser from my parent's alcohol fridge one night, drank it, and had the weirdest dream. So parts of this are based on that dream… except I had a flying Humvee (that I couldn't see, but I KNOW it was a Humvee!!!!!)……. And Sky was dressed like one of the Wiggles, the blue one. I forget his name. Go look it up, then review and tell me! Go look up your age, then review and tell me!!! Review and tell me your favourite brand of alcohol!!! Review and tell me what you had for breakfast this morning!!!!!! Review with the name of a good psychiatrist!! Review and tell me the web address for Alcoholics Anonymous!!! Review!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And if you've read this far, congratulations. You can put up with my insane ramblings.

May you never see Sky or Bloom again (I'm using this now instead of "God Bless" or insert similar saying here

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